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Category: Writing

Why I Started a Bullet Journal + How to Start Your Own!

It’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of organization, and that I have a mild obsession with my planner. I’ve been seeing bullet journals around Pinterest and Instagram for a couple of years now, and I really don’t know why it took me so long to start one. I decided to finally check into them more, and hours on Pinterest and YouTube later, I had ordered a journal and some notebooks.

I hadn’t known that bullet journals were not only planners, but actual journals as well – silly, I know. I personally have (or had, now) a planner, a separate journal for my thoughts, and another journal for goals/ideas. Obviously I couldn’t carry around all three, so I’d usually just carry my planner around with me. My phone is full of notes and ideas since I didn’t always have my “ideas” journal with me, so it would result in a lot of lists later that I couldn’t really make sense of.

With my bullet journal, I can have designated pages that are solely for lists and ideas, or anything else I’d like to put in there. I really like the creative freedom you can have with bullet journals, and that you can follow the system loosely and make up your own rules. I’ve found it’s been great to sit down on Sunday afternoon and figure out the week ahead, and see what all I have to do. It’s quickly become a part of my weekly and daily routine to set up the week on Sunday and get ready, and then come back after work and update my journal.

Another part I love about bullet journaling are the different “trackers.” Currently I have a habit tracker and mood tracker, and I think next month I’ll add in an expense tracker, too. Visually checking in with my goals for the month and year has been helping so much in keeping myself accountable, and it’s cool to see them fill in. I love filling in those little boxes, so it keeps me motivated, too! This has also been great in setting realistic goals, and also seeing where I can push a little more to set a higher goal.

So far I’ve been keeping my journal relatively simple, but I’m excited to become more creative in the future. I love drawing and painting, so my bullet journal will be a great place to be able to do that in, since I don’t have a whole lot of time to dedicate to that. I really love how you can get super creative and elaborate with bullet journals or keep it simple if you like!

How to start your own bullet journal

I just want to first say that I’m still a beginner at this – so take what I say with a grain of salt! These are just the tips I’ve picked up from all the reading and watching I’ve done about bullet journals. It’s really daunting to set up your bullet journal at first because there’s so many photos out there of really elaborate journals, but it isn’t as difficult as it looks! 
Start with a key


I saw a couple of people do this, and it’s been really helpful! Putting the key on some thicker paper and then taping it into the inside of the cover has been really useful to have it on whatever page I’m on. The actual bullet journal system is easy once you get the hang of it, but it can be a tad confusing at the beginning. I mixed up the “event” and “task” bullet a lot in the beginning – I still do – so this has been really helpful in remedying that.
Move onto the future log


The future log is really important for your bullet journal, because it allows you to see the year at a glance and write in important events. So far I’ve mainly written down birthday’s and holiday’s, but as time goes on there’s more and more to put in the log. I added little doodles for each month to give it some personality, too!

Then, of course, you’ll need an index


This is really self-explanatory, but the index just helps you keep your journal organized. It’s important to keep track of all of the pages so you can come back to important ones, or yearly logs. With the journal I got, the index is already in there, which is super convenient. I left a couple of pages after the pre-made ones just in case I need more, since I’ve heard people run out of space.

Put in any yearly logs you want, or anything else you’ll want to come back to a lot


For these I put in my half-yearly goals and the books that I want to read this year (I still have to integrate these from my good reads account), since I know I’ll be referencing these a lot. It was really nice that I started my bullet journal in July since it means I have an even six months left in the year, and I was able to check in on the goals I set for this year. A lot of people put in pages like “movies to watch” or “things to keep track of,” but you can really put whatever you want. It’s your journal!
With that, here’s my first monthly spread!

I decided to go with a vertical calendar for the month, which was really nice to keep track of my personal life and blog/YouTube stuff, but I did find myself wanting a larger calendar so I had a more wholistic view of everything. Honestly, I’m a calendar junkie so I should’ve known better that I’d be missing it.

Next are my monthly goals and stats. I really like this page since both sections are based around goals, but I feel like I can fit in a third section to fill up more space, whatever that might be. I’ll play around with it next month and see what I’m feeling!

Then we have the trackers, habits and mood. I saw so many people do this, and I love the idea! I’ve been keeping myself so much more accountable because I actually have to track these things on the daily, so I’m much more motivated to follow through with them. The mood tracker is also really cool so I can see how my emotions fluctuate throughout the month depending on what happens in a day.


Finally, in the initial July pages, is the idea page. I intended for this page to be for whatever I was feeling or thinking about, but it actually really is just an idea page, which I both like and dislike. I think for August I’ll turn it into a “brain dump” page, so I feel like I can write more than ideas for blog posts and videos. We’ll see how it goes!
Now time for some of my weekly spreads!

This was my first weekly spread with some little daisy detailing at the bottom. I really loved how the bottom turned out, I thought it added something really cute to the page since it was so blank at first! Like I said earlier, I was trying to keep this month pretty simple, so I didn’t want to go to crazy on the daisy theme. I think less ended up being more this month!

This was my second weekly spread, and I decided to put a little calendar in the corner this time, and I really ended up loving that. I didn’t have to keep looking at the calendar in the future log or on my phone to see a whole view of the month, so it was really nice. It was really quick and simple to do, and added something to the blank corner under Sunday.
Here are some extra pages I added in for the summer!

I wanted to put in a summer bucket list so I could try and actually do some fun things this summer other than work. the title is simple but super cute, and I’m really happy with how it came out! The banner reminds me of the lanes in Brighton when I was studying abroad last summer, and I love the baby blue.

Here’s a closer look! I plan on continuing to add things to the list and (hopefully) checking them off, so we’ll see how it goes!

Just as I want to make sure I do things this summer, I also want to track what makes me happy! I actually ended up added some yellow to the “happy” to make it a little brighter, but overall I’m happy with how simple it is. I want to make sure I’m really present this summer in everything I do, as well as grateful for all of the great things that happen.


These are some of the supplies I’ve been using

I really love this Signo Uni-ball pen! It comes in a pack of three which is really great, and is only $6 so it’s a great deal. This is useful for covering up any little mistakes I make, and it’s also fun to make a little black box and put white text over it to change it up!

I’ve had this Tombow brush pen for a while now, and I love it so much. This one came in a pack of two: one “hard” tip and a “soft” tip pen. It’s really nice that there’s two different pens for some variety, and to use them for different things! 

Sharpie pens have been my go-to pen for years now. I love how fine the tip is and how dark the black is – it’s great for writing small block letters, or adding fine details to drawings or paintings.

I got these washi tapes at Target for around $3 each, and I really love them! They’re different from the regular floral ones (which, don’t get me wrong, I love), so I thought it would be cool to switch things up!

I got these Tombow dual brush pens for my birthday back in April, and they have quickly become some of my favorite art supplies. I’ve been using them like crazy to make cards, and they’ve come in handy just for coloring, writing, and everything in between!

I’ve seen so many people use these Crayola Supertips for their bullet journals, and now I understand why! The 50 pack was only around $10, and all of the colors are so pretty. I love the variation in them, and they’re really great for adding some color here and there throughout your journal. The lighter colors are also great for more subtle colors, too!

And of course, here’s the actual journal that I’m using! I’m so happy with this journal, the pages are thick, and it’s great that there’s already an index in the beginning. The pages are also already numbered, which is really convenient. I haven’t added anything to the cover yet, and I honestly I might just leave it black. I haven’t decided yet!
Alright, that’s that for all of my tips, how to start a journal, and all the supplies I’ve been using! You can watch the video I did on this topic right here! I go more in depth through my spreads, and talk about them a little bit more. Plus, it’s just nice to see a flip through.

I’m so glad I finally decided to start a bullet journal, and that I get to share what I’ve done in mine so far! I’m super excited to share monthly “plan with me” posts and videos, so be on the lookout for that. I actually am in the process of filming my August Plan with Me, which will hopefully be up in a couple of days.
I also decided to finally start a monthly newsletter, so if you want more updates from me, go ahead and put in your email at the top of my blog! I’m not sure when exactly I’m going to be sending those out, but I think it’ll be early in the month, or a couple of weeks in. This is all still new, so it’s a work in progress. Thanks for coming along with me, and thanks for reading a watching! 🙂
Do you have a bullet journal?

Have a great day! 🙂

This post contains affiliate links.

Dear Junior Year

My junior year of college has come to a close, and it’s been a crazy year. This was definitely the most difficult year so far – my classes were tough, my schedule was busy, and trying to stay afloat was a struggle. I made it out, though, and I’ve learned a lot. Since it’s over, I wanted to do another “Dear __________ year” because I did that for freshman year and sophomore year.

Dear Junior Year,
I was almost crushed by you. Not only was the academic side of you hard, but all of the real-life things were rough, too. My classes had a workload unlike any other year, and I had to start answering some questions about my future, and think seriously about what I want for my life. That’s not an easy thing to do as a 21 year old. Who knows where I’ll end up in life? Have a plan, you told me, and for most of the year I tried to come up with one.
Well, I did and didn’t succeed, but some things I do have now are options and ideas. I have a couple of thoughts about what I want to do after college, and I don’t know which one I’ll end up following, but you taught me that’s okay. See, you pushed me to think about these things so I’d be comforted in the fact that I’ll be able to figure it out, and I understand that now. After many breakdowns and panic attacks, I’ve found (some) comfort in the unknown, and it’s a little bit exciting. Instead of being stressed about the future, you taught me to be excited about it.
While you were stressful, long, hard, and gruesome, Junior Year, you also gave me so much happiness. You brought people – especially one in particular – into my life that have changed it for the better. I made so many memories with new and old friends that I’ll truly cherish forever. I can’t think of better people to have spent the year with, honestly, and you were there to put them in my life. Everyday I’m reminded by how lucky I am to have people in my life whom I love so much, and give my life so much more meaning.
You have made me stronger, and though I doubted myself – a lot – you also taught me that it’s okay to have off days, sometimes off weeks, and that the sunlight always finds its way back in through the cracks. I made it through the challenges you gave me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The outcomes from all of these trials are worth way more than the stress they caused, and I’m thankful for all of the mistakes and hardships I went through. My life is better now, because of you, and I have a better idea of who I want to be. I learned that it will most certainly take even more time and even more hard work to get to where I want to be one day, but you taught me that it’ll be worth it, in the end.
Love,
Stnkrbug

You’re More than a Pre-Existing Condition | “Slam” Poem

It’s probably obvious that I love writing, since I have a blog and everything, but I’ve never really shared any of that writing on my blog, or my channel. I’ve never actually done a slam poem before, but I was inspired by all of the talk about pre-existing conditions, and the possibility that health insurance will be affected by them (in the US). 
As someone with “pre-existing conditions, this news is upsetting. It’s unfair that people should be judged and labeled based on diseases they were born with, or disorders they have no control over. Why should that affect the care that people receive? We don’t have a choice in these matters, it’s all up to our genetics. Yes, sometimes diseases can be caused by our actions, like lung cancer, but many of the “pre-existing conditions” are out of people’s control.
Not only are people of all ages affected, but parents of newborns with these conditions are suddenly forced to face the consequences of paying more for their child’s health insurance, on top of the sheer costs of having a child. All of this talk about “pre-existing conditions” just perpetuates labels, and further makes an “other” category for people in society who are facing hardships and suffering. We should help these people, not force them to deal with their problems in an even more isolated way.
Who are we to judge someone based on something they’re born with and have no choice about? Being able to judge someone because of a condition they are born with make it that much easier to judge them on a more personal level. We’re all different, and instead of letting those differences divide us, we should try and let them connect us and learn from each other.
I obviously have a lot of thoughts about this, so I made a slam poem about it. This is my first one I’ve ever made, and I’m loosely calling it a “slam” poem since I still needed to look off of a paper for a lot of it! I didn’t have time to memorize it before I had a chance to film, but since I really wanted to get the video up, I went ahead and used the paper for reference. If you want to watch the video, you can do so below! I hope you enjoy!

Cheers to 21

In recent years, it seems like time is going by faster and faster. The last couple of years I’ve been shocked every time my birthday comes around. How has it already passed?! Life is funny that way; when we’re kids we want life to move quickly and it goes slowly, but once we get older it flies by and we struggle to cherish it. The entire day of my 21st birthday I was trying to memorize every single detail of the day, because I want these memories to last and I want to be able to remember them. I spent the day with my favorite humans, and I was so grateful how they went out of their way to make sure I had a wonderful day, which I did.

When I was younger, my parents always threw me huge birthday parties with all of my friends there, and while I’m so grateful for those memories, it’s nice to be able to spend my birthday with my closest friends, and the people who truly care about me. I’m realizing more and more that life truly isn’t about the number of friends you have, but the quality of your friends. I feel extremely lucky to have those people in my life and I couldn’t imagine it without them.
Getting to the more exciting topics, I’ve been looking forward to turning 21 for a couple of years now, mostly so I can finally go to wine painting classes with my mom. Now that I’m of legal age, I feel like I’m just going to complete my transformation into a grandma, and that’s definitely not something I’m mad about. So many doors open to you once you’re 21, namely, better seats at concerts, and movie theaters that don’t allow children. I cannot believe I’m finally 21; it feels like yesterday I was just turning 16.
My birthday was surprisingly sunny, which I was so grateful for. Seattle has been seeing so many cloudy, rainy days, so it was a little blessing to have a clear(er) day. I got to show one of my best friends around the cherry blossoms in the Quad at my university (something it’s known for), and it was really fun to get some cute photos. I recently got a polaroid camera, so I was able to get some instant photos, which was really nice. Photos don’t seem to get printed out nearly as often anymore, so it’s great to have a camera that can do it right away. I’m definitely glad I made the investment!

Here’s some photos from the day:

That night I went out to one of my favorite districts in Seattle, Capitol Hill, and went to some fun bars with my of legal age friends. It was strange being back in bars after spending a lot of time in them last summer while in Europe, but also really fun! The satisfaction of pulling out my driver’s license was pretty great, and I don’t think it’ll get old for a while.

I ended up wearing this really cute romper I got from Pacsun, and I’m so glad it didn’t rain while we were out! The weather wasn’t too cold, it was actually pretty great for an April night, only a light sweater was needed (name that reference). I’m so excited to be able to go to really cute outdoor bars this summer! There’s something so great about being able to just spend time with your friends on a warm summer night, it’s definitely one of my favorite feelings.

Reflecting back on my birthday, it’s still so crazy to me that I’m finally 21. I’m trying to cherish these early-20s memories, because I know one day I’m not going to have the freedom that I do now, despite being busy with college. One day real life will catch up to me and it’ll be hard to spontaneously decide to go out with friends and spend the night out on the town. I’m so grateful I have the opportunity to do so now!

I just wanted to write up a quick post about my birthday, partly so I can look back on it later in life. I hope you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for reading! I hope you are all having a wonderful day 🙂

Why I Spent a Week “Spring Cleaning” My Mind

Happy spring! Although the first official day of spring was a week or so ago, I am still super excited about it. This winter in Seattle has been especially dreary and cold, so I’m definitely looking forward to some warmer weather.

Going along with this dreary weather, I have felt so uninspired this year in terms of creativity. I’ve been getting caught up in school (which of course isn’t a bad thing), and I’ve let my creative side get a little lazy. It’s easy to put excuses before giving yourself a break to be creative, and to push things like writing or art to the side because they seem less important to things like homework and tests, which in a sense they are. I am first and foremost a college student, so I of course need to make my grades a priority, but I also need to relax every now and then and spend an evening doing something I love, like watercolor.

When I was writing my last post, How to Succeed in College: Mental Health, it became clear that I needed a break from stressing out so much. I was writing down tips that I myself needed to listen to and apply to my life, especially because I’ve felt like I have hit a creative STOP SIGN lately. Anxiety and panic attacks seem to relish the times of stress and lack of creativeness in my life, so I needed to take a break.

Spring cleaning has always been something I’ve loved. While growing up, my mom would enlist my brother, dad, and me to help her clean the entire house – we’re talking scrubbing the walls, floors, and everything in between. It would be a laborious couple of days, but afterwards everything felt nice and clean, and that a fresh start was much easier to be had. Because I experienced that every year while growing up, I realized that was exactly what I needed this spring.

It was spring break last week for my college, so I took the time at home to do a whole lot of nothing, besides workout, play with my family’s dogs and cats, and our new puppy.

Seriously, look how cute he is!!

I needed to take the week to give myself a mental break from stressing out about school, tests, law schools, finding a summer internship, and taking the LSATs in the fall. Real life can be hard, and I know that it’s just going to get busier and more stressful as I get older. When you’re really stressed out it’s easy to only think about how hard life is and will get, and forget that it’s also going to get more exciting, and more opportunities are going to present themselves to you after a lot of hard work.

Last week I talked to my parents a lot since I haven’t had the chance to in a while, and it was nice to forget about school for a week and just be their kid again. As a college student, I don’t get that chance a lot anymore. It’s funny, because the first break I spent at home during freshman year I resented that fact; I wanted to still feel like a young adult living on her own, without being a child anymore. I’m not saying that I don’t like being independent; on the contrary I love it. It’s just nice to be able to go home every once in a while and rely on my parents for a little bit, and just sit on the floor with my dogs, playing Pokemon, and eating fruit snacks. The world seems a lot less stressful from the floor of my parents’ living room with a puppy on my lap.
My “mental spring cleaning” really didn’t entail much: I slept for 8 or more hours every night (I don’t remember the last time I got to do this for a week!), watched movies with my mom, cooked my favorite food, played with my dogs, napped with my cats (also my dog who lives his life 50% crazy energetic and 50% the laziest dog you have ever seen), worked out, ran/walked outside with my dogs on the few days it wasn’t raining, and played Pokemon Moon. It really wasn’t a lot, but boy did it do a lot for my mental health and sanity. I didn’t think a whole lot about the more serious parts of my life, which helped me feel a lot more refreshed for the first week of the quarter.
Creativity isn’t something that just suddenly comes and goes on a whim, it has to be practiced and thought about a lot. Just as you have to practice other skills, it helps to try and be creative each and everyday. I’ve definitely let my “creative muscle” go, so I am gradually getting my groove back. I actually have more free time this quarter, so I’ve been trying to dedicate that time to my blog and channel, and my other creative outlets. Throughout all of the stress in my life, my blog and my YouTube channel have always been a source of great happiness and inspiration, so I owe it to myself to cultivate them more.
It’s so important to take these little breaks every now and then. They don’t even have to be as long as a week, a day or two is just as fine, and taking even more time is great as well. However long you feel you need to take is the right amount of time, there aren’t any guidelines for these things.
Spring is the perfect time for growth, and hitting a small reset button on your stress; reflect on the year so far, the things that have happened, and give yourself a little break. Your outlook on life will probably be at least a little better, and your life will look a little brighter.
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Fantastic Beasts And Where to Find Them: Movie of the Year?

It is no secret that I am a huge Harry Potter fan. I have read all of the books and watched the movies more times than I can count, so when I heard about Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, I was extremely excited. I was nervous about how I would like it in comparison to the whole Harry Potter franchise, so I was definitely ready for the movie to come out! Since I went and saw it last night, I thought I would write a review on it, and start to get back in the swing of things here on my blog!

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a whole new era of Harry Potter
As I’m sure many of you know, this movie is set in a whole different time than the main Harry Potter series. It is set in 1920s New York, specifically 1926, when Newt Scamander comes to America by boat. Through many unforeseen events, he ends up in trouble with the American equivalent to the Ministry of Magic. I don’t want to give too much away, but the set up for the film is great, as well as the backdrop! It’s so interesting to see a different time and place of the magical world, one where magical laws, regulations, and attitudes are very different. I really enjoyed the 20s fashion, music, and architecture throughout the whole movie, because it was very fitting to the movie itself, in that it added a lot to the quirkiness. It also really allowed the audience to immerse themselves completely in this new era of the wizarding world.

There are strong female leads
Tina and Queenie, the two main women of the film, as well as the president of MACUSA Seraphina Picquery, are all very strong females. Tina is very stubborn, and is successful in her career, even though she has hit a rough patch before she meets Newt, which is awesome to see. She isn’t talked badly about for wanting to have a successful career, and is encouraged by her younger sister, Queenie. They are both very supportive of each other, which is portrayed wonderfully. Queenie is not a career women, but she isn’t portrayed as “weaker” or “lesser” than her sister at all. We don’t really get to know Seraphina that well, but the interactions she does have with the main characters leave the audience with the sense that she is a very strong woman. She doesn’t let anyone push her around, and she is strong in her decisions and rules.

The world in Newt’s suitcase is beautifully made, as well as the beasts
We have seen Hermione’s expandable bag on the outside, but we never saw the inside. It was so cool to actually be able to see the inside of Newt’s suitcase, and see where all of his magical animals live. Of course since I absolutely love animals, that was one of my favorite parts of the movies. I’m really glad, though, that they didn’t show the inside of his suitcase a lot in the previews, so that it was more of a surprise for the audience. The creativity that was put into imagining the beasts and his suitcase was so incredible, and the fact that the magical creatures were still relatable to real animals was great. The fact that Newt Scamander had made his suitcase the way he did in order to save these magical beasts was also super touching, and a part of the movie that I absolutely loved.

Eddie Redmayne made an incredible Newt
I had only ever seen Eddie Redmaybe in Les Mis, so it was super cool to see him in something else! His Newt was super quirky, likable, nice, and strong, and he played him so well. He was exactly what you think a magical beast collector/saver/caretaker (?) would be like, but he also had a depth that played into his character development very well. Throughout the movie we learned a lot about him, and saw his softer side, rather than his initial blunt character. Above everything, he cares for his magical creatures the most, and feels a pull to save them, or anyone else in need. He was super relatable, and fit in perfectly with the other quirky wizards and witches we know and love so much.

The incorporation of Grindelwald, and other known families, was done very well.
Through what J.K. Rowling has hinted at, it was clear that this new series was going to include Grindelwald in some way. In the beginning of the movie, it is made clear that MACUSA is looking for Grindelwald after he has committed crimes, but it is unclear where he is at. I won’t give anything away, but the way in which they incorporated his story into this one was done very well. I’m so excited to learn more about him (and possible Dumbledore??) in the coming movies. We also hear a bit about a Lita Lestrange, so I’m interested to see if she has to do more with the coming movies, or if she’ll be included!

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie! It does make me long for more about the characters we know and love in Harry Potter, but I’m super excited to see how the characters from Fantastic Beasts progress and develop.

Do you plan to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?

I hope you have a wonderful day! 🙂

Why I Stand With Kesha

I have been sick now for the last couple of weeks, and somehow got worse again this weekend, so I’m finally going to the doctor tomorrow. Winter is definitely the worst season for health! I hope you are all powering through this rough flu season with plenty of orange juice.
Today I wanted to talk about something that I am sure you have all heard about: the Kesha court case. I think it is so horrible that in today’s world, a woman still has to work with a man who abused her after she spoke out about it, and made it known to a judge. The fact that our society gets to “judge” whether or not a woman actually got raped is scary; we should never make a woman who was abused in any way feel like her experience is not valid. The way some women are treated after they are raped is horrible, too. They should not be looked down upon in any way, be blamed for what happened to them by another person, or lose any of their merit in regards to their professional life or career.

It is heartbreaking to hear sayings like “she was asking for it,” or “well, dressed like that, what did she expect?” Women should now be blamed for actions that are done to them without their consent. It does not matter in the slightest what they are wearing, no means no. Just because a woman is wearing a mini-skirt and a tank top, as opposed to head-to-toe clothing, does not in any way constitute them being asked to be raped. The fact that I, and every single woman, have to question our outfits as being “acceptable” or not too risqué, shows just how wrong our society is in the way in which women are viewed, and have to act in order to protect themselves.
It is also incredibly sad that women do not feel safe while walking home alone in the dark. It is natural for us to have at least one other person with us in order to feel safe, and even then, will cross the street if there is a group of guys making sexual remarks to us, just to be safe. My parents never had to worry as much about my brother being raped, or assaulted in any other way, as much as they did (and still do!) about me. The fact that their worries are extremely valid is the most sobering part. When I went out in high school, it was expected that I would send them quick updates throughout the night telling them where I was, my expected time of arrival back home, and if I had any problems with anything. Their concern comes out of a place of love, which I appreciate greatly, but it is also sad that they had to worry so much about letting their daughter go anywhere only with friends. Even my older brother (read: overprotective older brother) worried about me going out when we were younger, and still does with me being at college. My parents were also super anxious about me going to college, because they wouldn’t be there to constantly know my whereabouts, but we talk everyday which allows them a little (tiny) bit of relief.
Back to the Kesha case, it is tragic that she is going to be forced to work with a man who abused her, and that she can’t do much of anything about it. No woman deserves that. The fact that a judge gets to decide whether or not she can break her contract after she was sexually abused by the man is also terrible. It should not be up to debate; because she was abused by this man, Kesha has every right to break it.

I have never posted anything like this on my blog before, but I think it is a super important topic that everyone should be talking about. The Kesha case is just one of many, and though it is really well-known right now because she is a celebrity, it is bringing a lot of awareness to the disparities women still face today, especially in regards to rape and sexism.

Do you stand with Kesha?

Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day! 🙂

The Year I Learned How to Love Myself

2015 was a very important year for me, and I’ve been working on a special project for a while now. Today, the last day of 2015, is the day I decided to post this video and blog post, and I can’t believe it’s finally here. I have really poured my heart and soul into this project, and I’m so proud of how it came out. I made a video, and wrote a longer explanation post, so check both out, and let me know what you think! I hope you like it!
            Loving yourself does not come easy. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, but have never felt like I had the ability to. Because of this, one of my goals for 2015 was to learn how to love myself. I knew it would be hard, but I at least wanted to try.
            I have never felt comfortable in my own skin, and I always compare myself to others about everything: thoughts like “that girl has tanner skin than me”, “look at her tiny waist”, or “my arms will never look like hers,” constantly fill my head. I’ve always been insecure about my body, and myself in general. My body image has also never been good, and I especially struggled with it while growing up.
When I was 12 years old, I was bullied by a boy in my class. He called me fat each and everyday, which was one of my biggest insecurities. I wasn’t fat by any means – I was a dancer who had muscles in order to enable my body to do the sport that I loved. I mean sure, I wasn’t the tallest or thinnest girl in my class, but I come from a short family, so long and model thin legs were never going to be in my future. That was okay, but as a young girl going to school, being told that I was fat by a boy in my class hit home, and I started to truly believe it. He didn’t know that I spent hours each day at my dance studio to improve my dancing, all he saw was that I was different from the other girls. I also read too much according to him, and he thought it was strange that I was so much quieter than everyone else. I was never the loud one in my friend group, and they all had no idea just how much I hated myself and my body.
            I started wearing sweatshirts to school every single day in order to cover up my insecurities. The sweatshirts to me were like a shield against everyone else; they cocooned my body so no one could really see it, and they made it easier for me to not stick out in class. If I could just hide myself from that boy and everyone else, I thought, eventually the voice inside my head constantly putting me down would stop. It didn’t, and if anything it made it worse. With the extra baggage over myself, the boy realized his words had an impact, which to bullies, realizing they are actually hurting someone is like striking gold. His remarks only got meaner, and he put me down every chance he got.
            I never told anyone, even my family who was extremely close and supportive of me, that I was getting bullied, or that I hated myself. I wouldn’t even look in the mirror because I was afraid of what I would see, and I avoided the camera at all costs. My mom and I would pick the cutest outfits out for school, but I would always put a sweatshirt over them and tell her I’d just take it off when the day warmed up. That time never came, of course, and I kept the sweatshirts on the whole day, no matter how warm I was. They were my security blanket, and they hid me from everyone else. I don’t think anyone realized just how insecure I was about my body, or how inadequate I felt. It didn’t help that I had the meanest teacher in our grade, whom was sexist against girls and constantly put us down while praising the boys in the class. This only empowered my bully because he felt so untouchable.
            My struggle with my insecurities continued on for the whole year, but between the summer of sixth and seventh grade, I took off my sweatshirt in front of my friends because it was so warm. They were so shocked at seeing me without my second skin, and it was in that moment that I realized just how crazy it was that I had been wearing them every single day for a year and a half.
I went into middle school and discovered makeup, which I loved to play around with. I probably wore way too much to school, but it was something that I loved and made me feel more confident. I started wearing those cute clothes my mom and I picked out, without covering up with a sweatshirt everyday. I switched from dance to cheer (a decision I now regret), and ended up finding a best friend. I had also met two girls in orchestra, who would later become two of my closest friends in the entire world. My confidence kept getting better and better, and by the time I was a freshman in high school, it had vastly improved from when I was 12.
            Freshman year arrived quickly, and with it came many ups and downs. I quit cheer, a decision I am very happy with, and decided to join the swim team full time (I had swam on and off my whole life). It was something I was good at and something that I absolutely loved. I found wonderful friends who were fun and exactly what I needed at the time. They were accepting and supportive, and I’ll always be grateful to them for letting me into their close-knit group. For the most part, the year was great, and I started liking myself more.
The end of the year was where the down started. My best friend at the time, the girl I met cheerleading, started acting like a completely different person from the one I got so close to. Our friendship ended, not horribly, but not on a good note either, and I spent the summer being pretty lost. I’m grateful to her for being there with me in middle school, and we truly did have great memories from that time. I was able to go through those two years with someone who accepted me, and no matter who the person she is today, the girl I was best friends with was wonderful.
That summer was hard for me because I had just lost my best friend, and I felt so lonely. I started hanging out with two other girls, however, and found the best friendships I’ve ever had. Joycie and Rachel were there for me in a way they probably don’t realize; I could literally be the weirdest person in the world and there was never any hesitation on their part that we were sisters in all but blood. They were my best friends then, now, and will be always, and I can’t thank them enough. Because of their total acceptance of all my weird quirks (trust me, there’s a lot), I was able to start accepting myself as well. I thought if these two girls don’t care about my faults, why should I? With them, my supportive family, my friends from swim, and swim itself, I was in the best place I had ever been.
The rest of high school was both good and bad – as all experiences with high school are – and my confidence varied from time to time. I took hard classes with incredible teachers, and my love for English, Spanish, and learning about different places across the globe solidified. I got my first serious boyfriend at the end of junior year, but it wasn’t the best relationship. He made me feel lesser in every way; less beautiful, less smart, and less of a person in general. I don’t think he called me beautiful once, but I also learned that our relationship was not what healthy ones were like. It was short-lived, luckily, and I actually learned a lot about myself through the mistakes that we both made. Ending the relationship made me stronger and more confident because I learned how to stick up for myself.

The summer before college was spent making memories with my best friends, and we had a blast. I was nervous going into college because I was afraid I would be homesick every day, not be able to do well in my classes, or that I wouldn’t find a solid group of friends. None of these things happened, and though freshman year wasn’t everything that I expected it or wanted it to be, it was everything that I needed, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I made awesome friends, and ended up absolutely loving it there (and I still do today!).
 I came out of winter break and into the new year, 2015, worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up this track of being happy with myself. So, that’s why one of my goals was to learn how to truly love myself. I have always loved the idea of self-love, and thought I would achieve that when I looked or felt a certain way. I thought that when or if I got a gorgeous guy’s attention by looking the way I had always wanted, it would all just click for me, and bam I would love myself. Well, ladies and gents that is not how it works. Like any relationship, loving yourself takes time and effort, and you have to love yourself before you can love others.
You would think it’d be easy to get to know yourself because, hello, it’s not like you haven’t met yourself, but it is hard work. Loving every single part is hard, hard work. You have to love the quirks and “faults” as well as your best qualities. Let me just say, though, your quirks and shortcomings can be some of the most beautiful parts of you. They are what set you apart from everyone, so make sure to give those parts some extra lovin’.
Body image is also a huge part of self-love. I have always had horrible body image; I’ll be the first to admit it. I saw my body as a failure because I wasn’t the tallest and thinnest girl out there. Again, comparison comes into play here big time. I compared my body to probably everyone I met, which was not a healthy thing to do at all. No, I don’t have model long legs, or world-class abs like Olympic stars; however, instead of thinking of these things as failures, I choose to love my body as it is. Sure, I work out everyday to stay in shape, and simply because I enjoy working out, but I no longer think “I’ll love my body when…” because that isn’t how anyone should think. I work out and eat right because I love my body. It does amazing things for me, and allows me to pursue the crazy dreams and goals I have. It lets me see the people I love, and go on adventures with. I can see all of the incredible sights this world has to offer because of my body, whether or not I have the “perfect” one, if there is such a thing. Our bodies do some pretty crazy things, and allow us to live this life we’re given. To not love it is a half-life; doing awesome things, but not appreciating the vessel we can do them in. I know I’m not the prettiest girl in the world, but there’s no one else out there like me, and there’s no one else out there like you. You are the only person who can be you, so never compare yourself to others. They are living out a completely different story to yours, so of course they’re going to be different.
My journey to self-love was a long and hard one, as they so often are. It’s hard to love yourself when there are people telling you that you won’t amount to anything, that you aren’t anything special, or that you’re ugly. We’re all special in our own ways, and you get to decide how far you go in life, not other people. Yes, there are going to be hard things for you to go through, but you react in the way that you want to, ultimately. You can let those people knock you down, or you can try your hardest to prove them wrong. I hope one day I can simply tell that boy from grade school that I made my dreams come true, despite how hard he tried to crush them, and that I love my body now. Please, please, please, don’t ever let anyone stop you from doing what you love. Regardless of whether or not your dreams are the “right” ones, or if they’re “too big” for you to reach, at least try. Honestly, what is the hurt in trying? You will truly never know if you can make it, if you don’t ever try. And don’t just give half the effort – fully and truly go for your dreams with all you’ve got. We get to decide what we do with this life, so you might as well do as much as you can.
So, the reason for this long, long rant is for you to realize that loving yourself is one of the best things that could happen to you. It takes a lot of time and effort, but the best relationships do. Start with small things, and work up to the bigger and harder things. And please also realize your body is beautiful – flaws included. They are what make you unique and interesting, and what set you apart from others. Never compare your body to others, or feel like it isn’t good enough. I mean really, just ask yourself, what is it not good enough for?
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Thank you SO much for reading and watching, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Home for the Holidays

Finals are finally over, and it is winter break at last! I’ve been home for about a week now and my parents just now got internet, since they live in the middle of nowhere. It has been killing me to not be able to post, but it gave me a lot of time to think about my blog and YouTube channel! I have big plans for next year, and I’m so excited to get started on them. I’ve realized just how important they are to me when I was stuck not being able to post anything.
I also have a big project I have been working on for a while now, and I am finally going to tell you guys about it! This past January I wrote a post entitled 2015 Will be the Year… in which I wrote out my goals for the year. They were more of just general things I wanted to work on, because I felt that would be better for me personally. The second goal of the list was “to celebrate myself, and learn to love the person I am. It might take the whole year, but this year I’ll learn to love myself.” A little bit into the year I decided to document the whole process, and think about how I was doing. I can honestly say that my self-confidence has never been better, and I’m in a wonderful spot right now! So, at the end of this year, I will be publishing a blog post and video called “The Year I Learned How to Love Myself.” I’m so excited for you all to see it, because I’ve been working very hard on it!
I have a couple of Christmas-related posts going up this week, so look forward to those, as I am back in business with Internet! I can’t tell you all how happy I am, because now I get to resume my daily Gilmore Girls binging. This girl has her dogs, cats, and Netflix, and I couldn’t be happier.

Book Review: The Heir

I read the Selection series by Kiera Cass when it first came out, so I was really excited to see that she had come out with a spin-off series. The first book in the new series is called The Heir, and is about the daughter of King Mason and Queen America, who are the main characters from the original book. Eadlyn – the daughter – has to have her own Selection (where 35 young men enter to possibly woo the princess into marrying one of them…basically The Bachelorette for royalty) in order to distract the public from their growing discontent. I was glad there was a larger purpose to this Selection, but it soon became clear that that wouldn’t be the main focus of the book.
It is unclear what Cass was wanting to achieve in this book; to try and get the message of the public’s growing anger with the monarchy, or Eadlyn’s anger about the selection. While at first it seemed like Cass would really focus on how angry the public was about the hard financial times the country seemed to be facing, she seemed more concerned with showing how bratty Eadlyn was, and how poorly she treated those around her. The first Selection series was about Mason and America – both very down to earth characters who I did not think could create a child like Eadlyn. She treats her maid, whom she claims to be very good friends with, horribly, and is very unhappy with having to go through the selection, even though it is to distract the public long enough for her poor father to find a way to help out his struggling subjects.
Cass seems to use Eadlyn’s feminist mind set to excuse her poor behavior, and public shaming of the men in her selection, but it just ends up being way too forced. I totally support strong female leads in books fighting for women rights, but Eadlyn is simply portrayed as being a snobby princess used to getting her way, yet complaining about how hard her life is. She is a fraternal twin with her brother, Ahren, whom was born seven minutes after her. The laws of her country dictated that even though she was technically older, Ahren was to be king due to his gender. Because their parents were so revolutionary, and America was a big advocate of women’s rights, they made it so the eldest child was to be the ruler, regardless of gender. Go them, right? Well, according to Eadlyn, very, very wrong. There is not a moment in the book when she isn’t complaining about how she’ll have to be queen one day, or how she is expected to get married soon. I get it, no one should be forced to marry young, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t make the best of her situation, and find a man she is actually happy with, and not some random person she’s betrothed to. She has the choice between thirty-five different men who she never would have met, had the selection never happened. She could at least try and look on the bright side that she gets a choice – something that not all the royals before her had.

I love that Kiera Cass is trying to make feminism a big theme of the book. I think more and more support for women is needed, but I do not like how it was executed in this book. Instead of Eadlyn portraying a strong woman, she is petty and cruel to those around her, especially the young men partaking in the selection. I wanted so badly to root for her and her feminist ideals, but I just ending up staring at the book like this a lot:

 She questions why the public hates her, yet she gives them absolutely no reason for them to like her (i.e. at least having some sort of conscience). She insults the boys at every turn, and looks down upon people with “lower” statuses than herself. I found it hard to root for her at all, and instead was rejoicing when her brother tells her off at one point. I had such high hopes for this book since the first series had a strong woman lead, but I was deeply disappointed with this one. Eadlyn is not empathetic at all, and it was so hard to relate to her. Cass made it seem like women have to be completely rude and controlling in order to get anywhere in life. While we women have to be firm in many situations, we can also be human in order to be successful. I’m hoping Cass made us readers feel this way about Eadlyn for a reason, and maybe we will be able to see a drastic change in her for the next book, but for now I am simply disappointed. Feminism should not be portrayed as needing to be so independent to the point where women have to be cruel to anyone who tries to be remotely nice or helpful to them
All of the romance in the book is shadowed by Eadlyn’s attitude towards the whole selection. She treats the selected horribly, which in turn makes the public dislike her even more. There is also the “issue” she has with literally anyone seeing the real her, or trying to get close to her. I didn’t understand what the big deal was with people even asking her how her day was going, especially when she raves about how great and close her family is. The whole book was just a little bit off and forced to me, and it made me really sad. I had such higher expectations and I was definitely let down.
I hate giving bad reviews to books and movies, but honestly The Heir was not the greatest book in my opinion. It did have it’s moments, and for those I just might read the next book, if only to keep up with America and Mason. But by the end of the book, I was definitely questioning why I ever picked it up in the first place. It was very disappointing that this book was a let down, because the first series was really great, and I believe Kiera Cass really is a good writer. Hopefully the next one is better!

Have you read this book? What have you been reading lately?

Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day! 🙂